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Apparently Shakespeare, in the guise of Romeo and Juliet, sells chocolate bars. I saw this advertising hoarding on Raynes Park Station, near Wimbledon,the other day.
Here is Jane's effort!!! What do you think?
Chapter 1
It is a truth
universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a sweet tooth,
must be in want of a delicious bar of Cadburys Milk Chocolate.
However little known
the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a
neighbourhood, this truth of his chocolate cravings are so well fixed in the
minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered immediately, the
rightful property of someone or other of their village sweet shops.
"My dear Mr.
Bennet," said his lady to him one day, between her sucking a crunchie bar
and swooning over a chocolate flake "have you heard that Netherfield Park
is let at last?"
Mr. Bennet replied
that he had not.
"But it
is," returned she; "for Mrs. Long has seen crate loads of chocolate
bars being delivered already, and every one with wrappers advertising, offers. She told
me all about it."
Mr. Bennet made no
answer.
"Do you not want
to know who is going to provide these inviting special offers with every
chocolate bar?" cried his wife impatiently.
"You want
to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it."
This was invitation
enough.
"Why, my dear,
you must know, Mrs. Long says that Netherfield is taken by a young man with
vast boxes of Cadburys Milk Tray from the north of England; that he
came down on Monday in a chaise and four to see the place, and was so gorging himself
on a chocolate bar, at the time, that
he agreed with Mr. Morris immediately; that he is to take possession before
Michaelmas, and more of his chocolate bars, in wrappers advertising the said free
offers of e-books and Kindles and all kind of wonderful temptations will be in the house by the end of next week."
"What is his
name and how do I get hold of some of his chocolate with the free offers?"
"Bingley," and
you must use your pinz nez to read the small print on his, "Mars."
Tony - this is great! - you should continue the writing and you would have one of the adaptations you are always dissing! - it would sell well, because who, really who, could resist a Bingley or Darcy with crates of chocolate?
ReplyDeleteWell done Tony!
Deb
Oh, Tony, you are too funny! I love it! Do you think Virginia Woolf could sell chocolate?
ReplyDeleteOr ...
ReplyDeleteIt is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a china tea pot must be in want of a bag of Twinings loose tea.
Thanks Deb. I don't think I will complete the whole novel skewed to an emphasise on chocolate. Imagine the health problems I might be blamed for!!!
ReplyDeleteJean, this a cue for another chocolate recipe!! (You can take the blame.)
Tea!! We could have strarted something here Clive. At the various JASNA festivals and gatherings they often partake of a nice cuppa,Twinings or other.
They will be sticking banners up all over the place quoting your tea version of the start of Pride and Prejudice.
To think all this stared when I was waiting for a train!!! Ha! ha!
I really enjoyed this Tony. You should be writing for radio 4 comedy shows. It's better than half of what they broadcast :)
ReplyDeleteThank you,Jane,for your comment.
DeleteWell, since we know Jane was mocking Johnson's absolutes, there must also be plenty of material for that sort of stuff. "When a man grows tired of Cadbury," and all that.
ReplyDeleteFrank
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